Death to Small Talk - Fascination for Dummies

How was the traffic?
How 'bout that weather?
Oh that local sports team!

Small talk.

Every time it starts I think of Fred Flintstone's little dance before bowling. Ridiculous and superfluous.

Many networking books insist that a key factor to breaking through the drone of boring is to be interesting and unforgettable.

I'm currently reading a 2010 book that is (pardon the pun) fascinating.

If you're in the business of "client or donor service" this is a must read. It's a look into the science behind fascination and how to apply the strength-based approach to being the most fascinating person in the room and in your network.

The author has put together a FREE fascination test to help you identify which "triggers" you use to fascinate. Take the test! Use the results.

On this note, one of the key weapons in my arsenal for years has been
CBC Podcasts.

I know many people that "listen to it in the car" or "leave it on at home" but how many people purposefully listen to learn?

These podcasts have transformed my commute into a time for ideas, thought, reflection and most of all useful and interesting information for better networking.

Some are 1 hour, some are 10 minutes.
You choose what engages you!

Some of my favorite shows are:
Spark: Dive into the world of new and old media
Ideas : Rice crispies for your brain
Listner's Choice: Listeners request rebroadcast of most fascinating documentaries Tapestry : Religion and spirituality discussions from around the world
Writers & Co. : Interviews with insightful and diverse authors
White Coat, Black Art : Understand the medical system to help yourself and others
DNTO : Engaging, witty, irreverent. This is indeed, Definitely not the Opera

Rather that just leave you to the huge world of podcasting, I have uploaded a very small selection that I personally found useful and fascinating.

Please enjoy and share.

Most importantly.
Next time you see me, for the love of pete - don't comment on the weather.

Change sucks! Papa's got a brand new brand

I took this picture a few years back - the title - "Paul Nazareth is all about big change". Like most young people it's been my mantra.

Recently I was listening to some teenagers interview for a job sharing their passionate commitment to change.

Like most people getting "older" I had the "oh boy, did I sound like that" moment. Who didn't think they knew everything at 18? Cutting them slack is one thing, but who is there to help them achieve the change they seek? I bashed my head against the walls, got beaten up, then beaten down and thrown out of places I really cared for. Places where I could have made a difference. I wanted to warn them.

I prompted them about roadblocks and how to get to solutions. About compromise, consensus and dialogue. Just like 18 year old me, they saw walls to break through, not tools to achieve a purpose.

Change is a dangerous opiant. I was on that drug, thanks to many wise mentors I now know that change is a tool and not a result.

So, I'm out. Change is no longer a key part of my brand. Change, you are the rocks in the sea of hope that daily dashes dreams.

My search is for UNDERSTANDING. In the words of Steven Covey in his international best seller "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" ( the 5th habit ) "seek first to understand then to be understood". Highly effective people make change naturally because of these habits. But progress, peace, productivity are the results.

Are you a recovering "change maker" like me? Have you been burned by the powers that be because they want to shut your dangerous ideas down?

Roger Martin's latest book "The Design of Business" reads like the handbook of how to survive the world of bean counters and status quo'ers. Pick it up, it's full of powerful secrets so you can learn to speak the language that they understand.

You want change? Look in your couch cushions.

You want results? Come join me.

The gift of saying yes

I had forgotten what a true pain it is to move.



This past week I moved house and am still living out of boxes.

I now have NO storage space and have to purge 1/3 of everything I own. Which is a good physical and spiritual exercise.



Talk to me if you've just moved out on your own or if you want a free Tiffany lamp.



I was in Barrie Ontario today. It's the end of an era, pretty much my most active network contact, my northern champion in Barrie is leaving. Her name is Ann Andrusyszyn and she is a human dynamo. Working for the Barrie public library she has been such a wonderful northern ambassador for the fundraising profession and promoter of the Simcoe area.



As Ann packs up for a move across the country she gave me a generous gift this morning at 7:30am. She said yes to my help. It's the greatest gift someone can give me.



You see I have all these boxes and moving supplies. Didn't want to junk or recycle them them when no doubt someone is moving. Ann let me drop off all the best boxes and some other supplies off.



Sometimes the strongest gift can be that of accepting. Fundraisers and "giving" types are allergic to accepting praise, gifts and thanks.



A great book called "Being Generous" introduced me to the concept of "circulation". A more grassroots concept than the constant acquisition, hoarding and selling goods.



As a fundraiser it was a breath of fresh air. If you read it let me know! Would love to discuss it with someone.

I don't want your resume

My linkedin profile says "I have met face to face with 90% of my connections".
And I have almost 600 connections.

Yes that's a lot of meetings.
3 a week minimum, I really shoot for five. 7am, 5:30pm or lunch when possible.
Yes that's a lot of meetings,
no I don't sleep a lot,
yes I make time for my family.

I do it because I'm seeking three things:
1) To meet the best and brightest coming up and coming into in my profession
2) To help only the proactive and kind to get ahead in work and life
3) To learn from the wisdom of incredible people

It is September, all the job seekers who took the summer off are looking and plenty of networking meetings are taking place.

But it's time I made public a dark statement I want to say every single day.

I DON'T WANT YOUR RESUME.

When people show up to a coffee meeting with a stack of crumpled paper with reams of information on it I want to ask
"what am I to do with this"?

But I'm a constructive criticism kind of guy and I've never had anything constructive to offer.

UNTIL NOW.

A special thanks to network Elisa McFarlane (more about her later) for sharing this format with me. She claims she did not create it, I don't care, she's the first one to bring something crisp, useful and interesting to one of these meetings.

I call it, the networking meeting biography. Something you can use to provide a snapshot and if the contact wants, they can take it and use it to refer you.

On this topic, no one seems to know about "the informational interview" or the "exploratory networking meeting". Google it if you're job searching.

In the mean time I have created a handy dandy template for this document. Download and share with anyone you know it can be of help to.

I will be forever grateful to Elisa for sharing this and for a truly fascinating meeting, it's not often someone strikes me silent, enraptured with stories and ideas.

A key resource that Elisa mentioned has helped her and she uses to help others is an incredible organization called "The Junior League". It's a networking organization for women and I can't figure out why more intelligent women in my network aren't members.

There are so many special things designed to keep women down in this world, how many are designed to empower?
How often do you feel like this?

Some of the training and networking they do is of incredible value, we had a conversation about the teaching of governance, something leaders pay to learn so often, is a mainstay of this group's understanding of volunteer service.

Check them out. If you want more information, talk to Elisa.

In the mean time. Please.
If you want to give me your resume.

Email it.

Ps. An update. A career coach named Curt Skene sent me his site that has what I agree is the perfected version of the "one page bio". www.resumebriefcase.com

Religion Outside the Box

It's Sunday. Ok, fine, let's do this.

Recently I've caught some flack from peers who have seen my brand, read this blog and ask "where's the religious stuff Mr. Catholic"?

I have a problem with religion ( who doesn't ). Yes I'm really really into it but I truly believe that mine is the only TRUE religion on earth.....FOR ME. I'm just not into pushing mine or any faith on others. People are only going to learn by actions, words are pretty meaningless. ... My two cents on the topic. I look forward to the impending debate.

In the mean time, I'd like to share two truly great resources on the topic that anyone can appreciate.

CBC podcasts are a true gift for Canad. I particularly enjoy a show called "Tapestry". The promo spiel: Governments change, economies tumble and soar, and headlines trumpet the scandal of the day. All the while, Tapestry deals with the more subtle news of life -- a thoughtful consideration of what it means to be human. An engaging, provocative and unexpected hour of radio in which rabbis and poets get equal time on the topic of faith, science-fiction writers and physicist-priests ponder the great creation myths, athletes explore the hero's journey as a spiritual metaphor, and architects examine the idea of space for the soul.

It's because of this show I tripped on to Rabbi Brian and his newsletter, "The 77% Weekly" and his ministry "Religion Outside the Box".

His newsletter goes out every Monday except the last of the month. He encourages readers to take the last one off and relax, slow down, think and if needed, pray. And to remind us all that 77% is good enough; that we don't need to strive to be correct 100% of the time. Life isn't graded after all, it's pass/fail.

Over the years the newsletter has helped me think more deeply about faith and my own religion. Check it out.

Also, he's written a new book. If you're not religious but "spiritual" this will be a resource you'll appreciate.

Hope this is of help, my continued thanks to the Tapestry and ROTB team.

I leave you with links to a couple of my favorite posts:
- Mind At Ease - Some - Drive by Mothering

Three birthday lessons and Paul meets a King

It was a beautiful August evening.

About 30 of us gathered to celebrate something special, the 15th birthday of Charity Village .com

I am one of this site's biggest professional fans.
We share a mission statement: "Dream big. Make it happen"
We share a purpose. Helping others with both tasks.

Who on the internet can claim to have been and continues to change lives since 1995? You can read the story and the facts if you like.

All I know is that my first job and every one since was from this site.

I use it every single week to help me in my work, help others with their work and improve the lives of others.

The site is staffed by good people, many whom I have met over my short career in non-profit. Some of whom joined us at this wonderful event.

I learned three things from this networking birthday party:

1. It never ceases to surprise me that true leaders, "changemakers" as CV calls them, are wise but humble people that are very focused on what they do. Unlike the arrogant noisy A.D.D. types that cling to their titles and blackberry's, or who often dominate business networking and entrepreneurial gatherings. Looking at a few dozen people in a room, you would be hard pressed to seek out the leadership team of this successful corporation.

2. The Cake is DEAD! Long live the cupcake! Event planners have been rocking this trick for decades but it's only sinking in now. I have now used them for networking events, weddings and birthdays. Besides the "cutting and blowing out candles" part ( which you can get a tiny cake for ) - CUPCAKES RULE!! Variety for all, better presentation, instant distribution and more people will say yes to a cupcake than a piece of cake. Cake, you and me are done. Normally I'd be like, "it's not you it's me" but in this case. It's you.

3. Truly wise kings aren't about protecting treasure. They are the treasure. When I hold these events I often try to find a venue that is accessible but is also run or owned by a customer service killer. Most people don't know this but I LOVE the Annex. It's where my heart lives, I reside far away and have moved many times but I am on Bloor St. between Bathurst and Spadina at least once a week or I'm miserable. What a treasure to find a "new" restaurant there. A comfortable place for adults ( no chicken wing specials or loud chaos ) with crisp aesthetics, good food and run by a veteran of the community. The Annex Live is a restaurant and event space in Toronto that fit the needs of this event perfectly. The food for our budget was over the top perfect for networking. The staff attention was perfection and the greatest part of doing business with them was spending a little time talking with the owner. I don't use the term "a king of a man" often but this guy is the kind of person I try to live every day finding and learning from. In our short talk I will never forget some words of wisdom...."when you live through many good years and have what most people want you realize life boils down to the good things. You have to focus on the things you are good at and being close to the things, mostly people, you know are good and happiness won't be far".

The event was all I hoped it could be.
Thanks to dynamic folks that made time to attend.

A celebration, great networking and connections made, a new resource discovered. Life was a little brighter that day.

Hope to see you at the next event. Until then...

Dream Big. Make it Happen. - Thanks CV.

Fun and fascination in the age of persuasion

If you know who these people are, you're either an insomniac or a marketing nerd. Or both.

More on them later.

My last blog had a wonderful result. Several readers kindly let me know through LinkedIn that they bought the networking book I mentioned!

Even more astounding, less than 24 hours later, the author called to say thanks!

Speaks to the networking prowess and humility/authenticity factor of the author.

In our short chat I found that Tsufit like me, loves reading and enjoys a healthy curiosity and relishes the feeling of fascination. I shared a resource that has changed the last few years of my life:

The Age of Persuasion CBC radio show with Terry O'Reilly

(they can't podcast but here's the link to stream shows )

I don't like the term "brain candy". Something that provides only temporary pleasure. This show is more like chocolate cake for the brain. Something delicious that you savour, is attractive to others and you can share with delight.

It breaks the stereotype that learning can't be entertaining. Ever wanted to know:

- What's the contract between audience and advertiser?

- Flintstones were born as cigarette advertising?

- How billboards, taglines and slogans are born?

- The most powerful ad in the history of the world?

- What do admen think about mad men?

- Why is negative advertising popular?

- How can you connect with YOUR audience?

Some of the greatest stories of persuasion you'll ever hear.

I listen to it every week while I wash the dishes and I'm never disappointed.

It truly helps me with work as I consider my own marketing and networking by feeding me fascinating facts.

This past year the boys of persuasion put out a book!

As we were talking on the phone Tsufit look at her desk and saw that it was sitting in the latest set of books she had picked up from the library!

If you're a reader this is the perfect enjoyable summer read that will feed and give power to your fall.

I mentioned our buddy Vince at the start of the blog. His slap chop infomercial is mesmerizing. More than that magic bullet garbage (Hazel ash your cigarette!).

But! A guy off the internet took it and mixed it to a rap and now....the company bought it and the internet version is the infomercial on late late night TV.

How's that for the power of persuasion?

If you are hiding under a rock and haven't seen the Old Spice commercial I'll leave you with this fun version of our buddy Vince's slapchop: